One of the earliest things grown ups try to teach us is to mind our own business. I'm forever telling my boys to stop tattling on each other, and to pay attention to their own behavior. My sponsor and other women wiser than I am often preach that it's not my business what other people think of me. My job is to keep my side of the street clean.
I knew that all of the afterschool teacher's aides knew about the "troubles." I figured word had made its way around the neighborhood to some extent. Nevertheless, I am chagrined to learn that a group of moms were discussing me during one of the neighborhood bunco games. Not MY bunco group, the other one. And the story is far more sordid than real life. For example, I have up to three DUIs as far as some of these moms know. Ugh. And wow. And yuck.
I like to be in control of what others think of me. This blog is a good vehicle for that. I can be funny, self-deprecating, and come off like a good sport. I aspire to this version of myself, so it's not a big lie. I think I have a better self that comes out on occasion if I can let go of the rest. What is a big lie, of course, is that I have any control over what the neighborhood moms think, or anyone else. And really, what a lot of work to try to influence that anyway. I can only behave myself, pay my fines, go to my classes and rear my children.
That doesn't stop a part of me from feeling like I'm a weird fourth grader again, and none of the girls like me because I'm different. Funny how we can regress.
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If you were a dad, it would have made you the cool new bad boy and you would have been invited into the other bunco group. bunco, bunco, bunco
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